U.C.M. Newsletter of Joy, Humor, Laughter, and Inspiration
Editor Reverend Doti Boon
Volume 8 page 30 (07-23-09)
I am a happy and cheerful human being.
As many of you are aware – I have been spending many hours at the hospital with my Mom. The time has been spent thinking about the quality of my life and those of others. I realized that people like being happy, I enjoy being sentimental and most of all everyone likes to laugh with our families and friends. This Joyful Noise includes poignant writings, some great jokes and also a chance to laugh out loud.
Thank you all for your prayers and best wishes for my Mom Elenore and our family.
A GLASS OF MILK
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you? “
“You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. ”Mother has taught us never to accept pay for kindness.”
He said, “Then I thank you from my heart.”
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words…
‘Paid in full with one glass of milk‘
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: ’Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands.
There’s a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the water comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place – And, after all, isn’t that what life is all about?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which — To burn!
The Most Beautiful Flower
Author: Cherly L. Costello-Forshey
The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown
For the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren’t enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, “Look what I found!”
In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn – not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose
And declared with overacted surprise,
“It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful, too.
That’s why I picked it; here, it’s for you.”
The weed before me was dying or dead.
No vibrant colors: orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower and replied. “Just what I need.”
But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that’s mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy,
Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.
A minister was completing a Temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, “Shall We Gather at the River.”
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So, he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”
The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”
The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday Morning. He said ‘Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.’
‘Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind. ‘
The pastor said to the congregation, ‘I am going to say one word and I want you to respond with a song.’ He shouted out “cross.”
Immediately the congregation in unison said, The Old Rugged Cross.
The pastor hollered out “grace” and the congregations started singing Amazing Grace – how sweet the sound.
The pastor said “there is power” and the congregation sang There is Power in the Blood.
Finally the Pastor said “sex” and there was total silence. Everyone was looking around in shocked silence when finally a little 87 year old grandmother from the back of the church stood up and in a loud voice started singing: Precious Moments.
One Sunday morning a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, “I’m not going.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said.
“(1) They don’t like me, and (2), I don’t like them.”
His mother replied, “I’ll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church.”
“(1) You’re 59 years old, and (2) you’re the pastor!”
The young couple invited their elderly priest for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the priest asked their son what they were having for dinner.
“Goat”, the little boy replied.
“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”
“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.’ “