A Joyful Noise!

U.C.M. Newsletter of Joy, Humor, Laughter, and Inspiration

Editor: Rev. Doti Boon

safedoti@aol.com

Vol. 10 pg 13 (03-31-11)

AFFIRMATION

I am joyful – for God Loves Laughter

I know it has been a difficult month for everyone with earthquakes, tsunamis, conflicts, deaths, illnesses, weather difficulties around the world and most of all a reduction in spiritual joy. So, last Sunday we giggled and laughed during Sunday Celebration. It was all about God loving Laughter and Joy; so we even danced to rock and roll while waving rattles and beating tambourines!

And then, in the last two days I received two very funny stories and some delightful Church Lady Bloopers; which I am sharing with you.  So, just take a nice deep breath, calm down and enjoy some humor sent in by lovely UCM ministers.

A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM):

Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here’s the TRUE story….
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.  Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband:  “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her – as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: “How, dear?”
And Dot replied:  “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price.  And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.  Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying; Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.  It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP)
But this success did arouse envy.  A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham’s business.  But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted – for insider trading.
And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.  They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.  And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say:  “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.  He said:  “We need a name that reflects what we are.”  And Dot replied:  “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO,” said Abraham.
And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.  It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). And that is how it all began.

Now you know.

Thank you to so many for suggesting this for the JFN.

*****

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school.  He didn’t want his mother to walk with him.  She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.  So she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn’t notice her.  The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.  She did this for the whole week.

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy’s little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day.  Finally she said to Timmy, ‘Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?  Do you know her?’

Timmy nonchalantly replied, ‘Yeah, I know who she is.’

The little girl said, ‘Well, who is she?’

That’s just Shirley Goodnest,’ Timmy replied, ‘and her daughter Marcy.’

Shirley Goodnest?’  Who the heck is she and why is she following us?

‘Well,’ Timmy explained, ‘every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much.  And in the Psalm, it says, ‘Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life’, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it!’

Thank you to Rev. Mary Garry

*****

Church Ladies With Typewriters!
They’re Back!  Those wonderful Church Bulletins!  Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.  These (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.  Remember, this is before Word and spell-check!

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Submitted by Mike Bondi

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